Itsy Bitsy

I was listening to coldplay the other day & the lyrics to “Trouble” with the line about spiderwebs sparked some thoughts (i.e. : “they spun a web for me”, “a spiderweb & I’m caught in the middle”) . I pondered the idea that parents are like spiders, spinning webs for their children. Unfortunately, like insects trapped in those webs, kids can be “stuck” with the expectations their parents place on them.

When I was little, in grade one I think, I copied a picture of a scarecrow, perfectly to scale. The teacher was amazed & even asked me if I had traced the image (I hadn’t). She even called my mum in to look at the picture & to ask my mum’s permission to mail the picture to a newspaper that published kids’ drawings on the weekends. Unfortunately we never saw the image published & the paper kept the original.

I remember feeling very proud of myself & over the years I often drew things that I was proud of. I also had a neighbor who is a reknowned potter/ceramist who would give my brother & me a box of Plainsman clay at Christmas & offer to fire our works for us in his home kiln.

I wanted to be a lot of different things, such as an astronaut (until Challenger), doctor, physiotherapist, teacher, nurse, writer, lawyer etc., but I always returned to artist as my future career. When I was 16, my dad offered to take me to ACAD to tour & to look at other schools to decide where I might like to further my education. A month before my 17th birthday my parents split & I never did go on any of those tours.

Due to all of the chaos that a divorce entails, including reduced finances & much bitterness on my mum’s part, I changed my course. I had been interested in feminism & the situation, coupled with my mum’s prodding, led me to explore occupations where I felt I could become self-sufficient, which lowered the value of artist in my eyes. I went in the direction of psychology. I took some art-related courses as options but I didn’t draw anymore, or almost 10 years I was idle.

Now I’m intent on pursuing an advanced degree in psychology, with the possibility of specializing in art therapy. Perhaps I’ve come full circle, but sometimes I wonder how my life would be if my life had taken a different turn at such a crucial point in my life. I wonder what path I might have set upon.

I suppose it’s really is a pointless exercise, since I can’t change my past. I do hope I can learn from my experiences & not damage my own kids too much.